Personal
War on woke
05/04/25 18:47
Programs that promote diversity, equality and inclusion are under attack. The targets include immigrants, women, people of colour, and the LGBTQ+ community as a whole – although trans people are now public enemy no.1. America is the front line, but the war on woke is global. Read More…
Transition and attraction
05/04/25 18:43
I saw a recent response to a poll question years ago asking whether presenting as female changed members' views about men. It prompted very many responses. All the ones I read said yes, when I am dressed as a woman, I feel more like a woman and I am more attracted to men. Read More…
Trans and religious
05/04/25 18:28
Two of the biggest influences on my life have been my developing sense of trans identity and my religious faith. So this is by way of a combined autobiography… Read More…
Gerda Wegener
05/04/25 18:07
"Women do not exist to satisfy the male gaze" – Gerda Wegener Read More…
Pride of St James's
19/03/25 16:56
Yesterday I returned to St Pancras Euston Road for the regular Tuesday evening Sanctuary Eucharist offered by St James’s Piccadilly. Once again, the service was moving and restorative. The evening was a step forward for Ariane – not only because of the service, but also through what happened afterwards. Read More…
Two churches, one journey
05/03/25 18:33
After months of standing still, Ariane is on the move again. My focus now is on church life. I want Ariane to integrate herself fully in the churches that mean something to her. Yesterday I made progress in two of these. Read More…
The 80s: Photographing Britain
25/02/25 13:24
The 80s: Photographing Britain is an exhibition currently running at the Tate Britain. I visited this last week with Sheena. Not only was she as lively and knowledgeable as ever, she also disclosed a long-standing interest in photography. So that is something else that connects us. Read More…
Conundrum
23/02/25 18:53
I have started to read books by and about trans women. This is for several reasons. One is to make my own trans journey three–dimensional. Another is to learn as much as possible about the trans condition. But most of all, I want to know what it feels like to be female. So I have started with one of the best available guides: Conundrum, the autobiography of Jan Morris. Read More…
Getting out
09/01/25 21:12
Christmas is many things to many people. Ariane is unusual in seeing Christmas as a desert. In all the positives, there is no time to dress, no room for the girl to come out and play. But there was lots of time to reflect on the past and plan for the future. And now Christmas is over. Read More…
Catch-up ball
17/12/24 22:07
This is a belated report on Ariane’s short break in the north west at the start of December. Read More…
Alice
29/10/24 11:40
‘Alice’ is a French-language film from 2019 directed by Josephine Mackerras. It is a powerful feminist statement about the reality of living in a western European patriarchal society and the joys of sisterhood. Read More…
Manchester Art Gallery
27/10/24 04:36
Manchester Art Gallery is located in a building on the corner of Mosley Street and Princess Street. It opened to the public nearly 200 years ago and everything is free to view. The Gallery holds a wonderful and diverse collection of paintings, artefacts and other items. I visited it for the first time yesterday after an early morning run and before going to the Etihad for the City game. Read More…
At the still point
15/10/24 16:41
I have reached a crossroads. I have accepted Ariane into my life and integrated her with my faith. So I have become a whole person for the first time. The wounds of the past are healing. Now I want to define myself in Christian terms looking forward. What really matters to me and how can I be most effective? Read More…
Cycling and transgenderism
09/10/24 17:46
2022 was a golden year in cycling. In over 140 rides, I rode 6000 miles, I completed 7 centuries (100-mile rides), and I took part in 7 sportives. In one combined sportive-century (the Big Sussex Bike Ride, hosted by Davina McCall in June), I rode for Catalyst, the Guildford-based charity supporting people with alcohol, drug and mental health issues, and raised £1000 for their work. But my cycling activity decreased markedly after that. In 2023, it was down to 2700 miles in about 80 rides, and no centuries. 2024 will be further down from 2023, again with no centuries. What happened? Read More…
Feminisation
17/09/24 13:29
Being trans is primarily internal. It's about how you see yourself and the world. It's about your psychological, emotional, social, understanding of yourself. What you are like on the outside does not matter so much. But for some trans people, and I am one of them, it's very important to look feminine as well. And I don't just mean what clothes I wear. I mean in relation to my body. Read More…
The Ariane desert
25/08/24 06:01
I am two-thirds of the way through the Ariane desert. This is a journey through a dry and barren land where it’s almost impossible for me to be Ariane. There are good reasons for it – but I don’t like what it’s doing to my sense of identity. Read More…
The new normal
03/08/24 10:10
Continuing this Ariane week: two further trips to London, on Wednesday and Thursday. The female clothing seems entirely natural now. It's no different from being out in jeans and t-shirt. Presenting as Ariane feels the same as being in boy mode. The main difference is in my home situation, which sometimes causes practical problems. But the situation is starting to feel temporary. Read More…
Art and the woman
31/07/24 10:12
On Tuesday I went to London for a rendezvous with Sheena the Art Lover, also a Hampstead churchwarden and a member of St James’s Piccadilly. Sheena is delightful company. Her head is full of art and many other things. She is a member of Tate Britain and a member of the Royal Academy and no doubt a member of many other things too. Read More…
Keswick woman
16/07/24 18:34
I travelled by train and bus to Keswick to start a walking holiday as Ariane. Over the next three days I will be tackling groups of fells (known as ‘Wainwrights’ after the author) in the North Western Fells area. The forecast is mixed, but I’m going out anyway. This is the first time ever that I can spend days on end as Ariane. Read More…
Now you see us
11/07/24 23:29
On Tuesday, Ariane returned to Tate Britain for the exhibition Now You See Us: Women Artists in Britain 1520–1920. I had two reasons for doing so. The first was educational. I realised that I had not heard of any female artists, except Gwen John, and the only painting of hers that I knew was her self-portrait (which is included in the exhibition). Second, to strengthen my growing sense of femaleness, as I am more and more seeing everything from a female point of view. Read More…
Ariane the Londoner
25/06/24 23:01
Ariane made her London debut three weeks ago with the Pride Eucharist at St James’s Piccadilly. A lovely contemplative service with Taizé chants and beautiful music and liturgy. On that occasion she was accompanied by Penny and Paul from Farncombe. Today, Ariane went back to London, this time on her own, and this time for a double treat. It was, however, unfortunate to be wearing a long black dress, on what felt like the hottest day of the year so far. Read More…
A little light conversation
20/06/24 06:07
It was over two weeks ago when anyone last saw Ariane in person. I missed her so much. Where did she go? Actually she was there all the time – she was just being invisible. Her boy-mode diary was absolutely chocker and there was nothing she could do. The drought finally ended last night when Ariane turned up at a social event which she herself had organised. Read More…
Lily of the valley
11/06/24 13:11
Flower preferences are subjective, although there is a language of flower meanings which depends on a shared understanding. White flowers are my favourite, and lily of the valley is the best of all. I recently gave lily of the valley to two people that I care about. This post is not about those relationships but about the flower itself and how humankind has reacted to it down the years. Read More…
Beautiful hair, beautiful life
04/06/24 14:12
'Isn't it unnatural and disgraceful for men to have long hair? But long hair is a beautiful way for a woman to cover her head.' 1 Corinthians 11.14–15, Contemporary English Version (1995). St Paul clearly knew the difference between a man and a woman. Well, I'm going to muddy the waters. Read More…
Eternal youth
31/05/24 10:33
Some people look older than they are. Others are older than they look. I fall into the second category. Two recent encounters bore this out and set me thinking about the concept of eternal youth. Read More…
Identity and dress sense
30/05/24 07:37
Why do some men choose to wear women’s clothing? I can think of three main reasons and one less obvious reason. Only one of these applies to me. Read More…
A stroll next the Wannsee
28/05/24 20:42
The Wannsee area is rich in history and natural beauty. I was amazed at how much of both I saw in a walk of just 5 miles. Read More…
The future is female
25/05/24 20:05
Today the first prize for affirming Ariane's female identity goes to Patroa Studio. I came across their work by chance in a market stall north of the cathedral. They produce art designs which are printed on cloth. This one says it all for me… Read More…
You look fabulous
24/05/24 15:06
On Thursday morning I travelled to the accomplished Christiane Dowling in Sandhurst for a refresher makeup lesson. This repeated what I did a year ago. Normally in a makeup lesson, the artiste does one side of your face and you do the other under direction. On this occasion Christiane did it all, talking me through it with advice and detailed directions. I left with a process map and a list of brushes and cosmetics. Doing it properly is rather more work than the simple makeup I have been relying on. But the results are rewarding. Read More…
Open-minded Keswick
24/05/24 13:20
Three cheers for Laurel Bank Guest House in Keswick!
Ariane is going walking on her own in the Lake District in mid-July. For the first time in her life, she will spend the entire holiday as Ariane. Staying in a guest house though means the hosts have to know. Read More…
Ariane is going walking on her own in the Lake District in mid-July. For the first time in her life, she will spend the entire holiday as Ariane. Staying in a guest house though means the hosts have to know. Read More…
The Danish Girl
24/05/24 12:51
On Tuesday 14 May, I watched The Danish Girl. This is a beautiful but sad film. And so important for understanding what it is for a man to want to be a woman. It made me cry. This film confirmed my decision to give way to Ariane. Read More…