Getting out

Broadwater Lake

The world has gone back to work. I have had time this week to dress at home. That felt so good. I haven't done anything special, just spent time as myself in my own company.

I stopped wearing a wig about two months ago, so I am now living in my own hair and growing it as best I can. It's almost as long as I want. The style is approaching feminine but there is more work to do. I am seeing Giovanna on Saturday and hoping she will take me further down the road.

Also I haven't worn makeup since the Lake District holiday in December. That saves time and money, it's a natural way to look, and it makes changing while out much easier. It helps that I've had some sessions of laser hair removal and my face is smoother than it was.

Of course there is a downside. I don't look quite as feminine as I did before. And I am more likely to be recognised when out locally. This has made me less confident in my appearance and less ready to go out. I expect this is just a short-term problem.

So today was a small triumph in that I had my first outing as Ariane for about a month. I drove a short distance to Broadwater Lake in Farncombe. Set in the middle of Broadwater Park, with an island and some aquatic life, this is a peaceful place. The paved path around the perimeter is about 0.6 miles or 1 km in length. I walked round it today. None of the other visitors gave me a second look. That was reassuring and I started to feel more natural again.

I wonder if this is the next phase. Realising that people are more likely to work me out – and accepting that it doesn't matter if they do.

I also thought a lot about church and religion and music. The outcome is that I am staying at Shalford despite my lack of progress in coming out as Ariane. And staying with its small and friendly choir despite my lack of confidence as a singer. As it happens the new year has strengthened my resolve in these areas. I made a positive start by outing myself to Liz, our musical director. Something I have wanted to do for some time. She reacted well, as I was sure she would. She thinks the congregation will be more supportive than I was expecting.

I don't think it would be sensible for me just to start turning up to services en femme, so as to get the disclosure done quickly. Instead I want to become gradually more visible. At this evening's choir rehearsal I wore a Pride t-shirt. But no one said anything. So that was probably too subtle. Never mind. I have a few ideas for taking this further over the next few Sundays.